I walked out to the mailbox the other day. The sun was shining brightly. The air was crisp and cool. But the angle of the sun had changed from summer to fall and I got that fall feeling in my bones.
There is something about the change from summer to fall that brings a strong, unshakeable yearning feeling inside. Yearning for what, I'm not sure.
It's probably that it brings back strong memories in me. Memories of a time when "back to school" meant leaving loved ones and/or watching loved ones leave. The absence of those people produced a longing in me that it seems has never been shaken. Those were pivotal times for me. They were a blend of loneliness and sadness mixed with excitement for a new part of life. They must be ingrained in my being so that every time the season rolls around, I feel the sadness and longing return. Just like a certain smell or a favorite song can bring back vivid memories or feelings.
Fall is a beautiful season. I love the color changes. I love the crispness in the air. But I don't know if I'll ever be able to shake the nostalgia the season brings for me. I suppose it is a sort of "life marker" that will always remind me of times past and lessons learned.
The first fall after I graduated from college was really hard for me. I wasn't in school, I didn't have any children going to school and it felt wrong to not have school in my life in some way. I always get a longing for the smell of new pencils and crayons this time of year.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand the longing. This year I started a new job and the end of summer was the perfect time to start. It fulfilled some of that longing I was feeling too. I love back to school time.
ReplyDeleteI don't have these same fall feelings, but I think I know what you're talking about Shanny.
ReplyDeleteAfter I moved out of the house I always knew that home was still home at Mom's Beavercreek house. But when you moved out several years later and left for school in Provo it changed everything. It was almost like displaced empty nest syndrome I was feeling for Mom but also for myself!