Letters

Dear ProDrain (Tyler):

Thank you for cleaning my drain today.  I haven't been able to do laundry in a week and I'm tired of hearing my 8 year old complain every morning he doesn't have any more socks to wear.  I'll see you again in 18 months, since that seems to be about how long it takes for my washing machine drain to explode with water all over the floor.

Gratefully yours,
A busy mom with lots of laundry


Dear Eyebrows:

Where have you gone over the years?  Every morning I must fill you in or else my face looks washed out.  I wish you'd come back.  You're making me feel my age.

From,
Your aging face


Dear Old High-School Friend:

It was great to see you today after probably fourteen years of absence. Thank you for buying my Pack & Play. It helped me make room in my garage for other junk and now I have more money to go towards a new sewing machine. Yay!

Sincerely,
Your old high-school friend who desperately needs a sewing machine


Dear Dishwasher:

Thank you for being my friend.  I don't tell you often enough how much I love your service.  You probably feel ignored as I pawn off your loading and unloading onto my children, but I do sincerely appreciate your worth.  If I weren't so environmentally conscious, I would likely use paper plates and bowls to reduce my work load.  But, you take care of our needs in a fabulous way.

Signed,
Mother who HATES unloading the dishwasher


Dear Eldest Son of Mine:

Why are you so sensitive?  Why do you think everything is an attack on you?  If your brother even looks at you funny, you take offense.  Will this stage stop?  Can I find a way to build you up so you can withstand your "horrible" life?

Love,
Your concerned mother


Dear GIGANTUOUS Spiders on the Outside of My House:

I've tried to appreciate you.  I know you reduce the amount of bugs in the area, but seriously.  How can I handle seeing your giant, bulbous bodies hanging from your webs in the middle of my kitchen window?  Ugh.  As I swept you down yesterday, I thought for a few seconds I would spare your life.  But alas, my arachnophobia kicked in and I was unable to stop my foot from stomping on you as you tried to escape.  Sorry, little critters.  I just can't handle you.

Signed,
The Exterminator


Dear Silver Hair:

You're a sneaky little devil.  I keep finding you creeping into my chocolate brown locks and you are most certainly not welcome here.  For now, the threat of tweezers plucking you out will have to suffice, but I know as your strength in numbers grows, I will have to resort to other remedies.  I'll quash you out with hair dye, you little buggers.  You wait and see!

Signed,
Not wanting to admit I'm getting older


Dear Baby Girl:

Where did you come from?  You are so full of confidence, strong-will, and opinion.  Even this morning, when you walked into the living room just after waking, confidence that you rule your little world was oozing from your body.  You own this place.  I think you know it.  You will be a challenge.

Lovingly and a little bit scared,
Your mother