Letter to my... plumber

Dear Plumber:

You came to save me from my clogged laundry drain, which flooded my laundry room and backed up my kitchen sink at the same time.  When you asked where my crawlspace was, I was a tad uncomfortable letting you into my crazy-packed, overfilled garage and I wondered why in the world you needed to nose into my personal space.  Then you discovered, with your professional nose, a smell in the garage that wasn't right.  Sewage, you said.  That's just our stinky, musty garage smell, I replied, even more miffed that you would point out my stinky, garage smell.  You insisted on an investigation into the crawlspace.  I thought you were crazy.  You even offered to help move the three stacks of boxes that were sitting in front of the access door so you could enter.  Whatever, I relented, and handed you a box.

I have never seen a man so eager to crawl on his belly and enter the dark unknowns of a crawlspace as you.  I'm glad you enjoy your job.  Here I come to save the day! is what you sang before you disappeared into the dark.  You had me chuckling and forgetting about my embarrassing garage with its accompanying smell.

Fortunately for your professional nose, and unfortunately for my pocket book, you were right.  The sewage smell was due to an unhooked bathtub drain pipe, which was allowing our bath water to drain straight onto the ground under the house.  Ew!  Don't you hear the water pouring onto the ground below? you asked me.  Nope.  I just thought that is how our drain sounded! I replied.  Not my brightest moment.

Nor was it my brightest moment when I realized the reason the drain pipe was unhooked was likely due to my attempt to snake the pipes several months ago.  I thought I was successful when the snake cable suddenly jerked down and the backed-up water started draining rapidly.  The drain sounded nice and open and hollow--just like a newly unclogged drain would, I thought at the time.  Now I racked my brain trying to remember how long it had been since I prided myself on doing my own home repair that day.  Three months ago?  It was certainly before the holidays.  Five months ago?  I think I remember it being warm outside.  Six or seven months?  Yikes.  I'm not really sure, but a family of seven with one, yes, one bathtub/shower being drained onto the ground several times a day?  Oh my.  Not good.

So you crawled around, amidst the gobble-de-gook that was surely below the tub, and fixed the pipe.  Unfortunately, the original clog in the pipe hadn't disappeared.  No, it stayed in the pipe, dried out, and solidified--forcing you to truly earn your superhero status by spending over an hour snaking it out.  This was no easy job.  I'm pretty sure this was one of those projects that was the subject of your dinner conversation with your family.  Yeah, I've always wanted to be that customer.

So, I thank you for your work.  It was a humbling experience for me, which is always fun, but I'm glad to have my pipes working properly again.  Oh, and to add to my damaged pride, I was mortified when you informed me I have a "large rodent" living in my crawlspace that you witnessed with your own eyes.  I sound like the best homeowner EVER.

Sincerely--but not so much that I ever want to see you again,

That customer

PS - Is your brother an exterminator?